#I literally love this whole cast so much
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I finally finished Etrian Odyssey 4. I didn’t beat the Warped Savior but I did get to it. And oh my god. This has to be my favorite game in the series now. The dungeon design for the Hall of Darkness was genuinely fantastic, the first floor was just a fairly decent maze, but the second and third floors were probably peak EO dungeon design in my opinion. I didn’t even realize the gimmick of the second floor until I had mapped the entire dark room by trial and error, and I was getting frustrated until I finished the entire other side of the map and realized what was happening. I was so stunned that I didn’t notice what was happening from the first four rooms, but I think that realization made seeing the gimmick one last time on the final floor so worth it.
And the final floor basically taking all of your knowledge of mechanics from every other dungeon before it just felt so satisfying—the miasma room especially took every single bit of my understanding of the game’s mechanics to get through. And that’s not even getting into the fact that the boss is available as soon as you enter the floor, and the rest of the exploration is dedicated to figuring out the puzzle to weaken it… even if I was way underleveled to actually kill the boss, I felt satisfied in my attempt to fight it and just see the transition to the last phase. Man, this was a good game. All the lore and everything that it built up, everything tying in to the story and fitting nicely into your motivations… I was actually attached to the cast by the end!!
Is this reaction probably because of how disappointed I was in EO5? Perhaps. But I know I still have EO3 to play, and I just bought it on steam, but I’m trying to keep my expectations tempered. I’m also planning to play EO1 HD with a few friends kind of DND style, let them make an oc out of whatever class they pick and let them control their build, equipment, and actions! It’ll probably be a bit slow but I think it’ll be a nice way to spend time with some friends while also showing them one of my favorite games. Not to mention, it’s been 7 years since I finished EO Untold, so I have no doubt it’ll feel really nostalgic once I actually get into the game with them! :D
#Etrian Odyssey#sorry for the long post I just have so many thoughts. I’m so happy right now#literally so bubbly and I didn’t even take my medicine. this is what winning feels like#also I love you Kibagami. I replaced my Dancer with him right away and I swear it’s because I like him I’m not just a furry—#also (story spoilers) the medium being so kind to Baldur at the end when they save him from the rubble… my heart#I literally love this whole cast so much#even the duke!!! I thought he’d be boring but he’s so neat!! I felt so bad for him when I did the quest to get his cuff links back…#some rich people are okay. he has so many rights#dang it’s been so long since I’ve been so invested in something this is such a genuine good feeling
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Watching an interview with Taz and Iñaki and Iñaki was like 'I wonder what happens on Whole Cake Island between me and Taz 👀' AND I'M SITTING HERE LIKE
#Me; pointing: WHOLE CAKE ISLAND MENTION#INAKI DON'T TEASE ME LIKE THI#Taz was like 'I KNOW ALL ABOUT THAT OKAY'#HOMIE.#Anyway I haven't talked OPLA in a hot second but Taz and Iñaki's relationship makes me soooo.#They're just so supportive of each other and it makes me CRY#I love the OPLA cast so so much#They're all goobers#OPLA#One Piece#One Piece live action#INAKI IS LITERALLY SO SILLY HE IS THE LUFFY EVER#Iñaki Godoy#Taz Skylar#Shima speaks
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WAOT WERE U THE ONE TSUKASA COSPLAYER AT MIKUEXPO GIVING OUT MIKU STICKERS TO THE PJSK FANS
THATS ME!!!!! i didn't mean to just give them to pjsk fans help but i severely underestimated how many i should've made and cut out .. so i just ended up giving them to cosplayers or people who said hi to me .... T_T
THERE'S ALSO THIS SUPER CUTE BRACELET SOMEBODY RAN UP TO ME AND GAVE ME AND I TREASURE IT SO I NEED TO ADD IT TO THE POST AND SHOW IT OFF .. WAH!!!! ITS SO CUTE LOOK!!!!!!
#again WAS NOT MY BIRTHDAY. MIKUEXPO TORONTO FELL ON TSUKASAS BIRTHDAY IN JAPAN TIME. SORRY TO EVERYONE WHO SAID HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.#i love your icon cause i saw a garf miku cosplayer at mikuexpo toronto too IT WAS SO AWESOME#i saw snother tsukasa cosplayer in hid school outfit and they had cute star glasses i Need some.#in the future n for cons i think i'll just order stickers to hand out .. cutting them out by hand was so much .....#especially when i did the whole pjsk cast. 10 or so of each of them. my best friend helped and it still took like 2 hours#<- I DID THAT FOR ANIME NORTH I MEAN i think i forgot to post about it here. anyways#i dont plan on tabling at cons or snything cause i just like attending them so much. but#In the future i think i'll just pay to get Nice little prints or stickers made and shipped to me to hand out ...#Sorry they arent actual stickers they're just laminated with tape i did them the night before while crunching for the con the week after.#alliellama#ask#sorry to go on but mikuexpo really was such a good time#when we first got there i was in the merch line w my friends and skmeone came up and said can you do the tsukasa laugh right here right now#but everything we said echo and i was like T_T no im shy ...#and then 2 hours later i heard there was a saki cosplayer there and started running around the venue shouting SAKI. SAKIII. SAKI.#WE FOUND HER IT TOOK ME LIKE 20 MINS which is impressive because there were a lot of people. by god.#it was so fun. we had such a good time i could go on. everyone was so FREAKING NICE. AND GAVE SO MANY FREEBIES. AND COMPLIMENTS.#but i literally only had like ..30 mikus. to hand out. i felt SO BAD. CONSERVING THEM.
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looking back at the yjh webtoon screencaps i have saved and giggling... hes so cute... moe... my pookie ^___^ 🥰🥰 poor little meow meow woof woo- *eliminated where i stand*
also these poses are sooooo... 꺄아악🖤🫣🫣🫣🫣
#talk tag#orv liveblog#<--gonna just tag my orv misc posts as this now#i looooove when the webtoon artist draws him like a demonic beast#its genuinely so moe to me smdbsndn like hes supposed to be rly handsome but theyre not afraid to make him look unhinged#i rmbr livetweeting that yjh hibernation pic captioned 'hes so moe'... apparently that was 2022(just dug it up)#more than 1 person has told me that theyre surprised i bias yjh from the webtoon alone#bc apparently they dont do his chara justice(v 😔😔😔 to hear that...thats not good..)#BUT HOW COULD I NOT BIAS HIM!!!! (apparently this is not a universal experience aldjskdj)#this just makes me even more uncontrollably excited to read the novel i cant wait to love him more than i alr do#and i love when he glares and makes a disgusted face at kdj... its so cute 🤭 he's like an angry black dog to me. hes like a wolf puppy#*tries to pat his head and gets cut down in .00001 sec... no he wouldnt waste his sword on me... i would simply perish from being in the#the presence of his aura#literally the tsundere ever#aside from hiei... hiei rly primed me to like male tsunderes guys#like after him i have loved sm tsundere male charas since#yjh is in a league of his own tho. like idc how many similar/near identical charas have come before or since#he OWNS the yjh archetype literally everyone else is just copying him <33#even if it was a choice btwn yjh and cedric id have to go w yjh... he is the original im sorry... i love u cedric#and i love that the whole point is that his design/chara archetype ISNT supposed to be original... thats the Point#he's the typical op dark haired stoic cold brooding (and sexy) protagonist...#his chara concept is supposed to be that trope... but what orv does w him is so subversive#and the fact that he is supplanted from his position as the protag in the narrative... i love it sooo much#like maybe i wouldnt care as much if he actually was the protag? bc again it wouldnt rly be new#but the fact that he isnt the actual protag is sooo good#IM NOT RLY SAYING OR ANALYZING ANYTHING RN BUT I JUST FELT LIKE YJH LOVEPOSTING#o sidenote his webtoon faces make great rxn images slfnsmd I LOVE USING THE FIRST ONE#i love using heartwrenching anime/comic moments out of context as rxn images its so funny to me#me @ the orv live action cast announcement
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the way the ericson group were at the outbreak just a bunch of troubled kids who made various mistakes or committed crimes and were judged by a system that punished and abandoned them instead of giving them the support and love they needed, are then nearly a decade later put into a situation where now they must judge a troubled child for the mistakes and crimes hes committed against them. and 5 to 3 vote them out 😭
#twdg#i love the way s4 connects back to lees whole 'murderer' thing back in s1 😭 guilt...atonement.....systems of punishment#i love thinking about s1>s4 themes and crying#anyway this is partially why i hate when i see the ericson cast reduced down to 'just some teens' its so much more than that#them being abandoned in a boarding school for troubled kids is SO IMPORTANT its not 'just some school'#anyway its also probably why theyre my favorite cast#theyre literally one of if not the most mature group of the series even while being a bunch of kids who make choices i dont agree with#because they actually love and care about each other. even when theyre mad. because theyre all they have left#i do think the vote was a fair way to handle it even tho i still ultimately find it cruel. they couldve talked it out#but this is still a story that needs conflict to resolve so is what it is#they would rather they leave than have to face their confused feelings. the most immature thing they do. but understandable#they did such a good job crafting that cast for clem GOD an entire ensemble built around her and aj....delicious#zombie/post apoc media about love and community my beloved 😭#sorry but get tf out of here with that 'humans are evil and everyone dies' lame ass bullshit we are nothing without community#the amount of love pouring out of s4 is like getting my ass kicked but then they give me a big hug and kiss after and send me on my way#s4 my absolute beloved i really love it more and more every time. so much to appreciate even with it the way it is#the themes bro the themes........ the connections between seasons 1 and 4 you are everything to me#it speaks
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when the slowburn makes the ship extra cute~~~
#kimikawaii this week for sure!!!!!! (has been saying that since july)#ik the nghy payoff will be ✨sweet✨ but it’s kinda funny how hw are slowburning nagisa’s role in the series as a whole#mans has a grand total of 3 songs to date and only 1 has a cv ver#place your bets what do you think will come first? nghy duet or ariken duet#t h o u g h. ariken is also kind of a slowburn but we all knew they’d get together since ijiwaru release (shoutout to the og miku ver)#some say that ariken is still not canon in the novels to this very day#can’t believe we got arisa’s future career aspirations reveal before ariken canon in the novels smh#but i digress!!!!!!!!!!!! nagisa needs more action and attention!!!!!!#he did have kind of a ‘the bus came back’ moment with the izumo collab but we never saw his face again after that#(full cast merch doesnt count bc p. much everyone’s included in them except for the school nurse and kako)#so. all im saying is: slowburn nghy by all means. just dont slowburn nagisa’s character arc aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#now that mona mania has cooled off (to a degree) and chizusweep has mellowed out (somewhat) it’s shiranami’s time to shine!!!!!!!!#y. yeah. ik it’s harder to market him bc he’s a literal average (albeit handsome) joe but that’s part of his charm!!!!!#i mean!!!!! he can cook!!!!! he stans ft4!!!!! he’s devoted to the girl he loves!!!!!! he’s a dreamboat!!!! what more could you ask for?#but. i do have to say that nghy developments have been kinda awkwardly handled as a whole… esp with heroine ikusei#i think nagisa should’ve been introduced in heroiku or something… since he was planned from the start of hiyori’s development…#maybe they were trying to pull a ‘2nd love wins’ kinda parallel with kthn? but the ascana retcon made everything awkward huh…#i think it could’ve worked out in the mv-verse. like if they’d placed heroika+sukiuso after the fight+make up in herotaru#so the timeline would go smoothly from heroiku -> herotaru -> heroika#with hiyo realising that she’d be better off focusing on work and track after the asuka debacle + chizu fight#like a ‘forget romance!!! i gotta work hard and run hard!!! omg wait nagisa wdym you love me???’ kinda thing#but the [redacted] anime p much cut + pasted the asuka arc with the nagisa visit and. hm.#is this just an excuse to blame the clumsy handling of the nghy arc on the [redacted] anime? m… maybe…?#but it all still could’ve kinda worked out if they’d shifted the timelines around a little. y’know. since sukiuso mv has nagisa visit in oct#idk i think having hiyo learn how to doll herself up from lxl for her first crush (asuka)#and then using what she learned to yassify herself to meet up with nagisa would’ve been neater?#like a ‘hey look nagisa :) i applied what i learned from my pals :)’ kinda thing#or maybe chizu and juri could’ve helped her with the nagisa dressup scene post-herotaru fight… but i digress!!!!!!#hmmmmmmmmmm… well. this has gone way off topic… anyways nghy canon and cute that’s all byeeee#the dude from gamushara
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Lineup of all of the characters that appear long enough to need a visual representation of them in the game lol
#I added a few people that you can randomly run into around town (like at the inn or in the forest or etc) and have very short conversations#with just to kind of flesh out the world a little more in a more natural-ish seeming way. Like nobody in the main cast would really#have much reason to talk about the actual city you're in or anything. Since most of them havent lived there that long anyway.#But if there's a ''city inspector'' that you can run into whilst he's writing up notes examining the local inn. then maybe there could be a#few dialogue options with him where you can ask about things like that. since he would know more about the area as an offical Government#Worker or etc. Optional of course. since I have to be so wary of my natural inclination to lore dump lol and am trying extra hard to make i#all stuff thats easily avoided/skipped. But for the people like ME who deliberately choose to exhaust every possible optional dialogue#option and explore every single inch of the world and try to collect as much information as possible - then there are a few extra places to#do that. Though obviously not all of them just give exposition for like 15 paragraphs blandly. Some you don't really learn anything from#and it's kind of just.. random flavor to make the non-shop map locations more ''lived in'' feeling. Like the random#little girl you can talk to in the park doesn't bizarrely start reading out the wikipedia description of some War that happened 10 years ag#or whatever. she's just complains about school a little and asks if you've tried the nearby ice cream cart treats and etc lol#ANYWAY..#some of the art is so so evil but I'm not going to spend 800 years trying to clean it up and update it. whatever the hell mess I sketched#out in 2018 or whatever is just what I'm keeping lol... it is what it is#One of the many trials of the whole 'briefly work a few months on something and then abandon it almost entirely only to pick up work#on it literally like 4 - 5 yrs later and now you must contend with trying to decipher whatever weird shit you did years ago' experience lol#Also given the population breakdowns of the world in general I think there's an unrealistic amount of jhevona in this lineup since#they're a much rarer species to just see out and about anywhere but.. it IS a global trading center type area. and the game#takes place in the north (the country of Asen. near the coast. for the maybe 2 or less people who actually keep up with my worldbuilding#enough to know where that is lol (the same continent as Navyete (where the avirre'thel live)) and there's a decent concentration#of nothern jhevona only a short ways away so... tee hee..I shall pretend it makes sense and not merely me just wanting#to represent more of that species because I think their lore is interesting lol#I MEAN also realistically there would NOT be a human here because humans are extremely isolated species that don't even know the rest#of the world exists really and human territories are extremely protected from the outside world but... of course it's like.. well we need#at least One of them to be there for the Optional Lore. Same with the Ythrili. But at least those are like.. PLAUSIBLE.. not nonsensically#outlandish. If I had a Verrucalt or something in there THEN that would be truly lore-breaking almost lol#ANYWAY.. rambling that only means anything to me because nobody else knows what I'm even referencing but hbjh#also I think my character designs are so funny in the sense that I really do just love to do the same thing over and over again ghbjh#wow... random asymmetry and belts and arm straps and high collars where the neck is completely covered?? you dont say..how novel
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i wanted to make a post about a thing but the more i think about it the more i want to say and it's just going to end up being a big ramble essay, so instead i'll just give the thesis statement, thusly:
as the #1 Ratgrinders Apologist (self-appointed), of course they're the final boss fight to the death. i expected nothing less and the people trying to make discourse about it are ignoring the entire context of this being a Dungeons and Dragons game
#they're not playing 'discuss our traumas and and try to help strangers grow: the game'#they're playing 'murder people for getting in our way: the game'#which i know is now me being snubbing about D&D as a game but like. siobhan said it: theyve committed SO much murder#did the lunch lady in episode 2 deserve to be murdered? did the skater dwarves deserved to be murdered?#did the monsters the school sicced on the kids in their Last Stand deserve to be slaughtered like that??#its literally the name of the game!#the two things that are turning this into a bigger essay are 1) me being actually very disappointed in Burrow's End with how the players#just did not want at all to engage with the moral greyness aabria was trying to bring into the story#it was clear that was a direction she wanted to explore and i wanted to see it explored#but even OUT of characters the cast just would NOT engage or acknowledge the validity of that direction#and there was only so much aabria could do without being labeled a killjoy... because D&D often ISN'T a game for reckoning with#the justification of your character's actions! its a game for killing giant bears and saving the town from cultists!!#baked into the foundation of the game conceit is 'you are the hero and you are saving the day ergo your actions are Right and Just'#thing 2) i just listened to that WWW fireside the other day where brennan goes on about how combat does not get in the way#of story in dnd. that whole stove metaphor? and it rankled me so much lol because like aabria finally says after that:#yeah you bring your own food to the stove but when what you've got is a stove. the food you make is GOING to get cooked#combat and fighting and killing is baked into the system from its foundation. acting like D&D or even just d20 (the system)#is a resolution engine that also allows fighting and not a fighting engine that also allows other skills is. wishful thinking i think#and to bring this back to the POINT: of COURSE they're going to kill the rat grinders! because it's fun!#because thats how you resolve conflict in a combat game! straight up i honestly believe a lengthy conversation trying to win the kids over#would have been a weird energy to end the season on! it would have been a let down!#it would have been a huge tonal shift. because the tone you bring to a D&D game is 'killing this is fine actually'#and if you dont like that you /dont/ play D&D. its not a value judgment#i LOVE getting into moral implications and justifications and ive gotta tone it down when i run D&D games because it can kill the vibe#anyway. i said i wasnt going to write the whole essay and im not. but i did write most of the rant oops
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Regarding the previous post, I think the way I approach trying to evaluate a piece of art is asking "Do I think the positive things I get out of it outweigh the parts of it that I don't like?" And when I call something a "guilty pleasure" song/show/book/piece of media/etc. it's really more in the sense of, "Given who I am as a person, the flaws I've found in this should be complete dealbreakers for me, but somehow they aren't, and it makes me feel like I'm having an identity crisis."
#like. I think something like...idk shiki or cxgf excels on multiple levels. I understand why I like them. given the things I look for in art#it makes sense that these shows would speak to me because they make the effort to showcase those things I look for. because the people#in charge of those works clearly valued the same kinds of things and cared about seriously exploring them.#but with something like. uh. ctrlz. that is NOT the case and I frequently found myself going 'why would anyone make this writing#decision?' but I still sat through all 3 seasons of it! I still really enjoyed it! those flaws SHOULD have made me give up according to#personal history but they never did. and I very very much genuinely question why. I have NO IDEA why I still care about this#silly convoluted teen drama show so much. but I do. I wrote SO MANY FUCKING POSTS ABOUT IT.#I really love wicked the musical. I've heard many people call it 'hokey' or 'cheesy' or 'objectively bad' but here's the thing! I DON'T#think it's bad!!! like literally at all!!!!!! and it does do some genuinely cool things in regard to the music and the way the characters#develop and what the show says about the nature of prejudice and human connection. is it like. idk Serious™ the way that something like#Parade is? no. but it doesn't have to be. it does what it sets out to do and it does it well and this is why the whole '''objective#evaluation''' thing doesn't actually mean anything. I value thoughtfully-constructed music and dynamic female characters#(which this musical has). I value stories that deal with the complex and messy feelings that come with being a human (which this musical#has). I value stories about 'other'ness and romantic subplots that aren't just built on 'This Girl Is Pretty' (which this musical has).#and I value professional displays of technical vocal ability because I know how fucking DIFFICULT that is (which this musical...if you cast#it well...has).#if you value something else in a musical then yeah you will probably think THIS one is '''objectively bad'''#if you don't see the point of musicals as an art form you will probably think wicked is '''objectively bad'''#do you see where the problem with categorizing analysis like this is??
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my hot take about descendants is that NONE of the core four were ready for a relationship until maybe like, the third movie (rant in tags)
#they were still adjusting to living life without struggling to survive#a girl should not be jumping into a relationship the same week she just tried her first piece of non-rotten food lol#thats not to say I don't like the canon ships#but mal married literally the FIRST man she met in auradon. at 18.#and even as far as in descendants 2 we see them still struggling to adjust in different ways (mainly mal)#in d3 they seem to have fully assimilated into life in Auradon (as much as a VK can anyway)#so it makes sense for them to THEN seek out relationships if that's what they want.#but disney ofc wanted to act like romantic love just automatically fixes a person's problems ig?? as if a relationship wouldn't just be#added stress given the position the VKs were in in d1#not to mention dating just like. wasnt a thing on the isle (mal even says this)#and I get that the kids are craving to be loved because their parents didn't gaf about them. But I wish the first movie focused more on the#finding that love in each other than romantically with outside people. a sort of “they had love in them all along” moment.#and then this fandom loves to argue about whether Jarlos/Janelos was 'rushed'. at least Carlos (and Jay +lonnie) waited a few months before#throwing themselves into the dating scene. Poor evie had her heart broken within like 3 days of being in Auradon. no wonder she was willing#to help steal the wand lol.#Anyway to wrap up this rant I didn't even mean to go on#I just think that kids who have spent the first 14-16 years of their lives fighting to survive and being put through continuous trauma on a#daily basis don't need dating right away. they need THERAPY.#if anyone here has seen stranger things its kinda an El and Mike situation were its like. the girl grew up in a lab and fell for the first#boy in regular society who was kinda nice to her lol. thats how I view Mal and Ben#same with doug and evie. he was nicer than chad but he still fell for her for her looks and she still fell for him because he was the first#guy in auradon to be genuinely interested in her. also evie had a whole “I dont need a prince” arc and ended up with a man anyway?#my problem with janelos was always that Carlos never quite worked out his mommy issues or his anxiety. I feel like he'd be afraid of hurtin#her even though that boy wouldn't hurt a fly. and we see Jane get pretty stressed out herself- have you ever been in a relationship where#both of you have anxiety? cause it either goes really well (you help keep each other calm) or REALLY terribly (you make each other spiral)#I actually really liked Lonnie and Jay (though I feel like it would've had a bigger payoff if she was in d3. not sure why she wasn't but I#wont dunk on that because it couldve been smth to do with her actress). I think Lonnie is someone who can 'handle' Jay well and match his#energy. And I like the idea of Jay finding someone he's loyal to after being commitment-phobic for 1 1/2 movies and the whole first book lo#and ofc I have to throw this in here: any auradon kid the VKs get with is never going to grasp even half of what they went through.#this doesnt mean they can't try to understand and be empathetic. but it will always cast a shadow on VK/AK relationships.
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Me gripping my desk so hard the wood is cracking: I'm attached and invested in Apollo Justice (the character) a normal amount
#help hes become like one of my fav characters of all time#just looking at a photo of his dad vs him made me so fucking emotional like you wouldnt BELIVE#he gives me gender envy. he gives me cuteness aggression. he looks like a bug and i love bugs#capcom fucked him and his supporting cast over so bad and ill be the first to admit that his debut game has some ass writing#but god if i wouldnt do anything for him#literally not even as attached to the ace attorney serious as a whole as much as im attached to apollo specifically#he lived in my head rent fucking free#HIS BACKSTORIES#listen i agree they gave him too many and they couldve used that energy to flesh out so many other characters that needed it#but at the same time they make me so fucking emotional im SHAKING HIM!!!!!
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me, every time emily axford gave me emotional damage by connecting to NPCs with a sense of humanity and treating them with respect and dignity:
#that fucking clown gif is literally me every time someone at dimension 20 do their job so well#and im this close 🤏🏼 to literally drowning in tears and drinking 🤏🏼#when ylfa spent her time with her grandma??? i had to recover for 3 business days#when jet fuckin dies??????? and then saccharina's relationship with amethar?????? i wept to sleep godammit#and chirp with her sass and brain???? i love her so much#and then sundry sidney with the junkmother??????? literally had to nap while crying#and the whole thing with dale and sof??????? dont even fuckin talk to me#im a human being made out of 70% water and 60% of it was spent on crying bcs ohmYGOD????? wtf d20 casts are so good?????#but especially emily axford rn cos im watching tuc2 and her whole thing with dale is just SAD now#it used to be CUTE and funny and now im just so—#i just wanna jump off the empire state building#the times when zac's characters decided to dive backwards are a huge mood to me right now#god why the fuck are they so good at their job#unbelievable
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i'm rereading the idw comics rn (i got up to like. #24 or something a while ago and stopped so i'm refreshing my memory, up to the first annual rn) and i am sad to say. i do not like this version of silver very much. he is too cute. and he is not getting kicked in the head enough
#^ said with utmost affection#i just like 06 silver way way too much.... to me he is a weird intense desperate loser like that's the whole appeal of him#in a cast as Cool as sth's it's good to have a guy that is just constantly getting his ass beat#if not literally then figuratively. narratively. spiritually#silver to me is a guy who is fighting his demons and losing terribly and we love that for him#in concept he could be sauuurrr interesting but he got woobyfied so hard.... rip
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the thing about the founders trilogy, and maybe this is just because im listening to the audiobook and i really dislike the narrator, is that 40% of it is just frustrating overexplaining of concepts we already know bc we've been here for three books!! and even in book 1 there was so much of it that was unnecessary. so big chunks of the book your just beating yourself over the head like "can we get on with it??"
and then the rest of it is just. fantastic. the magic system! the characters! the plot! the stakes! its such a unique magnificent world to be in! i just want the actual sentences to reflect that, ya know?
#im like 30% through locklands and getting frustrated again bc argh i hate the narration. im not sure if im a fan of the time skip.#berenice is my least fave of the bunch so im a little :/ bc sancia is right there#and the new characters i have no attachment to im just here to see what happens to that core cast bc i care!! so much!! abt sancia#and gregor and CLAUDIA whom i love#with shorefall i was just entranced the whole time and the ending had me YELLING so i know the slog is worth it#but like ugh. i wish it wasnt a slog. stop having people explain things and just do them#i get the magic system is literally based on explaining but like. trust your reader lol i promise i got it before you said it#ramblings#not that anyone here has read these books lol
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Okay, I'm working through my issues here. Will probably be incoherent.
So, finding out that you've been in a friends with benefits situation for two months without knowing that that wasn't a budding relationship is, in fact, a weird place to be in.
I honestly dont know how much I can trust the information that they gave to me though because it came from one of their personalities (thats the only word I've heard them say so thats what I'm using here) who noticeably has not participated in... non-platonic relations. I am unsure as to what anyone else in their head thinks or would say. The issue here is that I am never truly aware of who I am speaking to when I am interacting with them. The only reason I know this about him is that he made it very clear that the sexual things were outside of his wheelhouse. And yet he is the only one I have talked to about what we are, so I'm inclined to listen to his perspective over anything else. It is the only perspective I know. I think I would benefit from having a conversation with someone who I have been close to in different ways, but I am unsure as to how I would ask for that. We kinda dance around talking about this disorder a lot of the time, and though we are both slowly opening up about it, I am still struggling to find a way to talk about it. Part of me wants to just flat out ask them to tell me everything they know about their personalities and how they interact with me, and also wants to ask that I be told who they are whenever they feel comfortable telling me. I feel as though knowing those things would make navigating this entire situation easier. I am just afraid of the idea of them turning any questions back on me and making me answer anything about myself on the spot. I also hate springing conversations on other people because I know how much I hate it. I think thats something I can and should get over though.
Post ramble game plan: I am going to tell them that I would like to hear more about how they function in general and also how that pertains to their interactions with me. I will explain that it would make it easier for me to understand where they are at and ensure I am less upset by certain things and also know how to best interact with them. I will explain to them that if ever I am to open up to them to an equal degree, it would likely be over text as talking about myself openly is difficult. I will also explain that I do want to be understood by them, I want to be open, and the only reason I haven't is because I am afraid of being judged for my own existence. I need a lot of reassurance, and I do not want to burden anyone by making them be nice to me for my own comfort, so I often do not. I can also better explain my view that things dont have to be defined one way. That in my eyes putting the label that we are " just friends" feels like an end-all and that it's okay to consider this multiple things. Being multiple things is the only thing either of us knows how to do, so it only makes sense that we allow ourselves to be friends and ambiguous lovers and possibly partners, all depending on the day. I also will be sure to reiterate that I love them and I value and respect their perspective no matter who they are in the moment because I know that all perspectives here do matter.
#wow. a long ass ramble woah#hopefully any of this makes sense.#I have to hold off on literally all of this for a day or two bc we're busy with things but I think this is a good gameplan#if anyone has any suggestions or input I would love to hear it!#I just really want to say as much right as I can because its so complicated#and ultimately this all comes from being upset because one personality considers me to be like a little brother and it kinda grosses me out#which honestly I am learning to get over but its for sure spiraled some things#theres also some traumas about feeling cast aside because they treat me so differently in public than in private#& like. I do feel a bit like they're ashamed of me which.... eh#and that he brought up our age gap like its this noticeable thing which also made me feel like I'm being naive and stupid and used#but thats a whole other thing at this point
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bad batch is like. fun enough to watch and i think omega is VERY cute but it’s mostly kinda boring except when it gets into Clone Issues. but it made up for everything with that palpatine scene in the senate like YES there is nothing i live for like this
#the way we now see how the whole thing works. he is sooooo good at his job#maybe it’s like. corny of me but i am fully on board with filonis vindicate the clones agenda#or any agenda that shows how the clones are good people at heart and are being screwed over just like everyone else in the galaxy#and i always loved the brain implant stuff i think it’s fine i think the clones should be allowed any break they can get#anyway bad batch is like. it’s hard because the entire main cast is literally. the same person.#like o think they could have done a lot more with ‘they may be clones but they’re still individuals’ but the main cast is only superficial#different i feel. like they could be doing so much more with the concept#star wars
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